Dear Journal
by KlainesSecretChild
Summary: Kurt Hummel writes a journal about everything that goes in his life. Chapters are episodic and will range through to Season 5, when it starts! Rated T for some bad language/sexual language. Only mild, though.
1. Pilot

Chapter 1- Pilot

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_Dear Journal, _

_This school is a joke! It seems now that the jocks' throwing me into the garbage receptacles is now some kind of homophobic morning ritual. That stupid Puckerman cretin claims that he's just putting me where I belong. The garbage. Oh, how charming. That's exactly why he's going to be staying in Lima for the rest of his sorry life. And I'm going to be making it out! Successfully, I might add. Anyway, I just wish those idiotic plebeians would respect my Marc Jacobs collection and NOT throw it in the trash along with me. Then again, I wouldn't want to be thrown in there naked, but they could just not throw me in at all? They're not capable of showing some sense, so it's impossible for them to realise that what they are doing is mean and very harsh. _

_Even Finn Hudson wouldn't relent and make the other guys quit it too. He's the most popular, handsome, amazing, dreamy guy at McKinley. One word from him and I would never have to be thrown in the dumpster ever again! Why would he do that though? Risk his popularity for the Token Gay kid. I haven't even come out at school yet! Yes, I may not be the most heterosexual person in Lima, but they still should not make assumptions based on my (impeccable) fashion sense and my voice that's slightly higher than usual. Then again, I wouldn't expect any less from the creatures that Lima spawns and throws into the public schools so the rest of us can socialise with the inferior species- the homophobes. _

_Don't get me wrong, though, Finn Hudson is totally amazing in every conceivable way and I'm head over heels in love with him, but he could maybe at least try to be a little kinder towards me and more accepting of who I am. Well, who they presume I am. They're not wrong, but to them, it's not fact. Yet. _

_Don't even get me started on Mr Schuester, the school's Spanish Teacher. He strolls past the dumpster almost every day and he just carries on with his day like he doesn't have a clue as to what they're doing. He actually believes that I'm 'friends' with The Troll. Noah Puckerman doesn't have friends. He has fellow simians. I am no simian, believe me. _

_On a completely different note, Sandy Ryerson got fired. Apparently, he was inappropriately touching Hank Saunders during a private rehearsal. No wonder it was private. I suspect that that Rachel Berry girl has something to do with it. Tina and I have both said that she's too ambitious for her own good and will do anything to get the limelight. That includes reporting a (possibly false) incident of sexual inappropriateness. So, the fired of Mr Ryerson marked the end of Rhythm Explosion, and I have to say, it wasn't really fun whilst it lasted._

_Just when I thought that Glee Club was finished forever, who else but Mr Schuester turns up and saves the day. Sure, he can rescue a school club, but when it comes to an act of homophobia, he walks right past it like it's a picnic in the sunshine! The minds of these people astounds me. _

_I signed up, anyway. I figured that I would sing Mister Cellophane as it showed my feelings about Rhythm Explosion and my feelings towards Mr Schuester himself. He seemed to be as oblivious as always, which was totally unsurprising. Our first meeting basically consisted of Mr Schuester assigning Sit Down, You're Rocking The Boat to Artie Abrams, a paraplegic boy who seems nice and kind overall. He's friends with Tina, and that girl never chooses her friends lightly. Rachel Berry and Mercedes Jones have joined after also being affected by the scrapping of Rhythm Explosion. So, basically, the number was abysmal. It was absolutely awful. Not to downplay Artie's talent, because he can sing well, but the whole piece was a shambles. _

_Yet ANOTHER storm out by the infamous Rachel Berry occurred today. I do way better storm outs than that toe rag does. She needs to learn from me. Also, Mercedes needs to learn how to dress herself. She clearly need lessons also from moi, but in accessorising. Has she never heard of embellishments? Obviously not. _

_I just could not believe my eyes when I saw FINN HUDSON in Glee rehearsal. New Directions could not be a better place if tried. That said, Finn and Berry trying to pull of Grease was just painful to watch. It was clear even then that she was totally crushing on him. At least I'm subtle about my feelings. She could only be more conspicuous if she had a bright pink sign plastered to her torso that read 'I LOVE FINN HUDSON FOREVER'. We did sound sort of better than Sit Down, You're Rocking The Boat, but only marginally. Then Mercedes tries to diva out by stating that's she's Beyonce and not Kelly Rowland. I like Kelly Rowland too! It's the other member that nobody remembers. I just rolled my eyes when she said that. She's kind of annoying me. She's living up to the black woman stereotypes of saying 'Hell to the no' and waving her finger. She needs to overcome these stereotypes, not live by them! _

_We've been a newly established club for like a week and we already got a field trip to Carmel High to see Vocal Adrenaline perform. Mr Schuester clearly had no idea who they were because he said that he thought we could beat them and that he wasn't worried. Is he for real? Vocal Adrenaline are the top show choir in the country! They're National Champions and our little group of outcasts (and Finn) are supposed to trump them at Regionals? I think he's actually forgetting about Sectionals as well. He thinks we're just going to coast clear on through to Regionals, and that's very complacent of him. We'll have to see. I hope we win Regionals/Nationals this year. _

_When Mr Schuester told us he was resigning, it was a bad day. I'm pretty sure Rachel cried and Artie kept ramming his chair into the wall. I was sort of annoyed, because I figured we had potential, but I kept hoping that his replacement would be a teacher who actually noticed teen homophobia. Especially when they WALKED RIGHT PAST IT. _

_I believed Finn's apology, when he said he was sorry for bullying us. It wouldn't stop, I knew that, but it was a definite step forward for everyone. I was a little disheartened when I wasn't given an assignment for the song. I had to stifle a giggle when he gave Mercedes costume. When she complimented her outfit, I almost died. Eventually, Tina got given the role of event peace-keeper which was a real slap in the face. At least she was given a role. I hope Finn wanted me to be his own personal sex slave, but just didn't want to tell the other members. Oh, well, a gay can dream, right? _

_Anyway, Don't Stop Believing was awesome. Even though I didn't get a solo, we still performed well. Mr Schuester gave it a 9, so he thinks that we can take Sectionals/Regionals with it. I hope so, too, because I enjoyed myself! Even though I was oohing all the time, I had fun. _

_Anyway, I have to help Dad with dinner now, he can't cook bless him, so I'll probably be making it all. _

_Sincerely, _

_Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. _

_PS: I am not Finn's stalker. I just wanted to clear that up._

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**Author's Note: I'm not sure if anybody read my stories back then, but this was a project I had started a while back, when I had a fresh load of stories, some being _Tears of Fury, Ignorance and Dear Journal _itself, but if you remember it, it's back, bitches! I love writing introspective!Kurt so this is a way to do so. I will cover every episode. For _Comeback_, I am going to make some stories up. Maybe Kurt will visit the ND for a week that Dalton has off due to a burst pipe or a gas leak that they can't fix or something weird like that. That's not for a while yet, anyway. These chapters will vary in length, depending on Kurt's activity in the episode. I have this thing about not posting chapters that are under 1000 words if I can help it, because it just irks me for some reason. I don't mind when other writers do it, but I personally don't enjoy doing it. I will ramble on for as long as I can about Kurt until I reach 1000 words with each chapter, okay? Awesome. Hope you enjoyed, and review!**


	2. Showmance

Chapter 2- Showmance

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_Dear Journal, _

_I repeat my point made in my last entry. Mr Schuester AGAIN walks straight past the Creature (Puck) with his arm around me. The Thing supposed I was turned on by having an admittedly bulky arm around my shoulders, but I really can't reiterate the point enough to him that he makes me want to douse myself in gasoline and jump into a bonfire. He thinks he's the most impressive thing to walk to face of the Earth, but it is in fact the other way round. I think that HE should be the one to be thrown in the garbage. But that wasn't even the most horrible thing that happened that day. I saw Finn and Rachel walking together, Finn rolling Rachel's stupid wheeled bag towards the entrance. Flirting, eh? Interesting. I have to stop this. Finn needs to be mine. He doesn't belong with Quinn. Or Rachel. ME. I deserve him the most. _

_It needed to be said, Le Freak is the gayest song ever to be recorded. It is 'really gay'. Like it was written by Liberace and Lady Gaga with Adam Lambert doing the instrumentation. I mean, come on, Mr Schuester, yes you have a very homosexual haircut but you don't need to have a homosexual music style to accompany it! Artie was right; we need more modern music if we want anybody to actually join Glee Club. And we do. We need twelve members to even qualify for Invitationals, which is somewhat soon. A couple of weeks, I think. I hope that I can become a contender for a solo at Invitationals, but I'm not holding my breath for anything. All the solos will go to Rachel/Finn and the duets will go to Rachel AND Finn. Oh well, I'll just sit and watch Finn and try to not get distracted by Rachel's groaning and singing face...I mean seriously? WOW. _

_Oh, that girl! Mercedes 'Aretha' Jones. SHE LOOKED LIKE A TECHNICOLOUR ZEBRA! She actually needs to call me every single morning for attire approval. It looked like I planned it and was a huge part in her outfit. They co-ordinated strangely well together, though. I did not ask to be part of the zoo, that's Puck's job, not mine. But Mr Schuester brought the modern music. But not for the assembly, stupid man. We're going to be slaughtered. I figured that fruit would be thrown at us. Facials are an important thing in my life, and my skin absolutely CANNOT be messed up in any way or I will kill, and hide the bodies of the perpetrators. I for one hope it's Puck. I need to get rid of him one way or another… _

_Oh, Finn, you're so adorable. You're learning to walk and sing simultaneously. I could teach you to do…other things simultaneously. Like sing and play the piano. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, JOURNAL? Then the Hobbit has to go and intrude. _

_Wow, Mercedes can sing! I expected a brilliant voice, but wow. Golddigger was just WRITTEN for her, seriously. Then…Mr Schuester? Seriously. RAPPING. Now, I've even EVERYTHING. And I mean, everything. Locker rooms can be revealing… _

_Anyway, RACHEL BERRY of all people proposed the idea of doing an assembly based on sex. She wanted something that the school would want and appreciate. I figured blood, considering I broke a toe when they chucked me into a dumpster. Rachel didn't seem to amused by my contribution, but Finn cracked a smile, the most beautiful thing in the entire world, ever. _

_That was when we had begun planning our number for the pep rally. PUSH IT by Salt 'n' Pepa. Suggested by RACHEL, who wears grandmother clothes…what is the world coming to? _

_The performance was fun, but the best part? I got to…slap. Finn's. Ass. YES. It was beautiful. It was just for a second, and this sounds really creepy, but it was absolutely magical. His ass is utterly perfect don't you know? It is wasted on a bitch like Quinn. Finn needs to be with a GUY, namely one Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. It's his loss. I think I need to explain a little about Finn. _

_I'm in love with him. He's everything I've ever wanted. This could just be me being rash and delusional, but I can't imagine life without him in it. He's not a big part of my life…yet…but I still enjoy seeing him every single day. Quinn does not deserve him. She's manipulative and icy. I'm icy too, but I'm loyal and everything that can Finn make be the best person he could possibly be. Not that there's much to improve, but still, nobody's perfect 100%. _

_There's just something that ties us together, I swear. _

_Well, at least something good came out of the assembly (aside from my hand feeling the ultimate pleasure) and that was that Glee gained three new members. Surprisingly, Quinn Fabray (EW WHORE), Santana Lopez and Brittany…um…Brittany, I'm not sure anybody knows her last name joined the club after singing I SAY A LITTLE PRAYER for Mr Schuester. _

_At least we have nine members now. _

_Well anyway, more soon. _

_Love, _

_Kurt Elizabeth Hummel_

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**Author's Note: Sorry this wasn't amazing, I wanted to get this uploaded for you today. I'm writing these during the commercials of the TCA's. I'm so happy for Darren and Lucy! Not going to spoil who has won anything in case somebody doesn't want to know. Review!**


	3. Acafellas

Chapter 3- Acafellas

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Dear Journal,

For the record, I had no idea any of that was going down, or that any of that was going to happen…

I'll start by explaining the weird actions and speech of one Mercedes 'Aretha' Jones. Santana called her Aretha once and now it's stuck. Thanks a lot, Satan. Anyway, we were at our almost adjacent lockers and she asked me if I'd ever kissed anybody! How rude of her to intrude in my personal information?! Kissing is kind of a sore spot for me. As of now, I have not kissed anybody, but I desperately want to kiss Finn. I just want his lips on mine and… no. This is about Mercedes. Say it slowly, Kurt. M-E-R-C-E-D-E-S. Good. Concentrate. I told her that I hadn't, and that I wanted to. It was the truth. That's it. I didn't elaborate. Anyway, I noticed her staring at the unholy mess that is Pucktana, and I almost vomited. I could only assume that Mercedes wanted something like that with somebody and, as much as I wanted the gossip, I had to use tough love by informing her that special education children would receive more action that the Glee Club members would. I'm not totally wrong. Then the subject changed onto outfits about the Dakota Stanley debacle and I suggested we go to the mall. Not weird or peculiar in any way, right? Good. At least you agree, Journal.

So we went to Carmel High (the girls and I) to approach Dakota when something strange happened. I invited Mercedes over for Liza Minnelli week and everybody else shared a weird look, like they were waiting for that to happen. I was thinking then that Mercedes may have liked me romantically, but then I pushed those feelings away. I thought I'd made it quite clear that I was already in love with somebody else. She didn't know that I was gay, but it may have already been fairly obvious. I mean, no straight gay has my impeccable fashion sense. Surely, she knew that? Right? WRONG. Completely wrong.

Anyways, getting back onto the topic, the car wash. That awful car wash. I was washing my new baby, a present from my dad, AND inviting Mercedes to the best event EVER. Sing-a-long Sound of Music, bitches! It's a once a year event and I wanted my best friend to come with me. Not an incredible crime, am I correct? Yes. Did she think so? Well, no, but she could've fooled me. Then, she basically proclaims that we're dating, which I shot down immediately. We are/were not dating, not at all. That clued me in as to whether she knew if I was gay or not. Obviously not. I informed her, rather nicely, that I was love with somebody other than her, and I was staring at Finn. Unfortunately, she only saw Rachel. To my utter despair, I had to play along. Pretending to love Rachel was horrid, and I cannot imagine doing it again. I may die. Even singing with her in a duet would be awful, and I can't imagine myself doing THAT anytime soon, can you Journal? No. Exactly. Not going to happen, bitch.

So, after telling Mercedes of my horrendously awful crush on Rachel Barbra Berry, she does something slightly less awful and horrendous. She goes and picks up a rock and tosses it through my windshield. I was like "_Who even does that?" _NOBODY DOES THAT MERCEDES. EVER. NOBODY. Just because Carrie Underwood said it was okay, doesn't mean it is. All I could think about was the gaping hole in my window. After that, Mercedes' eyes went all glazed over and I couldn't really figure out what was happening to her, it was all sort of funky and weird. She was shuffling around a little and I could only presume she was imagining a musical number inside her head. Knowing her voice, it would've been absolutely fabulous. I hope it featured me. It could've been _Before He Cheats or Bust Your Windows _by Jazmine Sullivan or something for all I knew. Then she returned to Earth with me shouting at her. HOW THE FUCK COULD SHE JUST BUST MY WINDOW LIKE THAT?! Apparently, I busted her heart and that's why she busted my window. That made no sense to me whatsoever. She left, though, and I was left with my broken car to drive home, after I washed it all obviously. Aint nobody got time for a dirty car, after all. That should be a catchphrase. Aint nobody got time for that, or something. Haha, I'm a revolutionary.

So anyway, Dakota was a complete bust. He basically said that the Cheerios were the only members fit to be in a winning Glee Club. He insulted Mercedes, Artie, me, Rachel and Finn. Not even Rachel BERRY deserves to be insulted in that choir room. He could've at least kept his feelings undercover. So we fired him. Mr Schuester's terribly boy band choreography would have to do for now. At least until Brittany stepped up and choreographed some dances for us.

Yeah, so with the whole Mercedes thing, I was incredibly gracious to her and talked to her about it in the hall. She offered to pay for my car to be fixed, bless her, but I explained how my dad took it away from me. I CANNOT BELIEVE HE FOUND MY TIARA COLLECTION AGAIN! I HID IT SO DAMN PERFECTLY! IN THE SAME PLACE AS THIS, ACTUALLY. OH GOD. PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME THAT MY FATHER HAS BEEN READING MY ENTRIES! Time for a new hiding place, I think. Anyway, she wished me good luck with Rachel, and I just couldn't lie anymore, so I did something I should've done a while ago.

I came out.

To the first person, ever. Mercedes Jones was the first person to officially hear of my sexuality. She advised me to tell the Glee Club, but she doesn't know what it's like to come out. It's painfully scary and I just wasn't that confident. Maybe soon, I can tell my dad. Hopefully it'll be soon. I hate lying to him. Anyway, Mercedes is on Skype so I'd better go. She is impatient and Aretha waits for nobody.

Till we meet again, Journal,

Kurt Elizabeth Hummel xx

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**A/N: So here's Acafellas. Two chapters of something in one night. SCORE. Listening to Selena Gomez's _Stars Dance _album really does promote my work rate. SO DO REVIEWS. OMG YES. REVIEWS. REVIEW PLEASE. And read my other works. They're getting lonely whilst I have writer's block for like ALL OF THEM bar like four. xx**


	4. Preggers

Chapter 4- Preggers

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Dear Journal,

So it all started in the basement.

Tina and Brittany were helping me with my latest conquest: Single Ladies. That song and a few of Beyonce's best tracks are featured on my Superstar Playlist on my iPhone. They're great dancers, both of them (especially Brittany) but they make even better covers. A.K.A- BEARDS. Isn't it rather embarrassing though, Journal, when you're dancing a dance of the diva in your basement with two girls and your dad catches you doing it? Yep, that's precisely what happened that day. To make matters oh so much worse, Brittany decides to go and tell my dad that I'm the kicker for the McKinley High Titans. I could see the confusion in his face, but it was overshadowed by a sparkle of pride that swam in his eyes. Fantastic, I was thinking. That meant that I had to actually join the football team in order to cover up for Brittany's lie. Though, I swear, the proud look on his face was worth lying to him.

And you know because I have a penchant for making situations worse than they already are by digging myself deeper into every mess that I'm in? Yeah, I had to go and say that Tina was my girlfriend. I don't think she quite appreciate me slapping her on the ass just to prove to my father that we were dating, but she used her acting skills to effectively maintain this little charade we had started. My dad looked very confused, as he probably noticed the momentarily shocked expression on Tina's face. He's rather good at noticing things that people are trying to hide. Well, supposedly apart from my sexuality. I didn't think that he knew about it, but I wasn't sure then.

So my next order of business: join the football team.

It was easier than I thought it would be. All I had to do was talk to Finn Hudson, which was NOT a bad thing whatsoever, and ask him to help me practise being a kicker. I was already a high kicker from my extensive dance training, so all I needed was a football. Finn was being quite nice about the whole thing, even if some of his plebeian friends were giving us strange look. Including Puckerman, but he's just an annoying bitch, so I don't really care about him. So I got a tryout I front of everybody. That stupid helmet was messing up my hair and I could barely see out of it. I did not understand how the football morons (not you, Finn) could wear them week in and week out and not freak out because of the hair malfunctions that they must suffer. I don't suppose they care too much about how their hair looks, considering the haircut that most of them have (yes I'm talking directly to you, David Karofsky). Do these people actually know what nice hair looks like? Obviously not. Puckerman has that awful dead possum on his head, but Finn knows how to style his hair to perfection. He uses his wax perfectly to create that hairdo that makes me swoon. Just Finn in general makes me swoon, but oh well.

Anyway, back to New Directions. Tina FINALLY got given a solo, but unfortunately for her, it was _Tonight _from _West Side Story_. That song would've been utterly perfect for Tina's soft voice, but the beast (Rachel, of course) demanded that she sing everything from _West Side Story_ that Maria sings because (and I quote) "Natalie Wood was a Jew, you know." Stupid, insufferable Rachel Berry demanding the solos. Then Tina felt like she had to give up the solo in order to keep Rachel a happy, very annoying, bunny. Ugh.

So back to the football squad.

The first game was approaching, and I couldn't stand the practise session. I wasn't really involved in those or the actual game itself, but just the general atmosphere, and the rancid stench of Ken Tanaka. Looking at Finn was fun though. And it provided an opportunity to be in the locker room outside of Gym. I made an amazing discovery. Finn walked to the showers right in front of me. I saw EVERYTHING. It was just a little (BIG. HUGE. GIANT) blast of heaven. His penis is beautiful, and makes me want him even more. It's so unfair, I can't even explain how much I want him. Sure, I've seen Finn in his underwear before, but seeing him in his birthday suit was something else entirely. Hopefully nobody saw me looking, because that would just mean trouble. I just couldn't resist. When else would I gain an opportunity like that again?

The premier game came and the Titans were losing by a couple of points. Then it was my turn to kick. My nerves were everywhere. I would be hated if I missed the kick. If I scored it, well I'd still be hated, but it may be lessened if I help them win a football game. I did my little Single Ladies routine, something that the rest of the team had emulated earlier on in the night. It was something that I wasn't going to look back on with a smile. They completely embarrassed themselves. Finn looked adorable, of course, but he always did. So I kicked the ball and just stared. I scored. I won them the game! I looked at my dad, and he was crying. Pride. That made me feel worse about quitting, which I did the day after the first game. It just wasn't me. Not at all.

Then I made a breakthrough. I came out to my dad. Apparently, he knew all along, probably before I did. It was all a picnic but it was scary at first. It felt good though. He told me that he loves me anyway and that felt good to hear.

Anyway, I'd better get back to creating my Rachel Berry voodoo doll. Apparently, Santana is making one too, so Rachel had better watch out in the near future. I read on the school blog, ran by that creepy Jacob Ben Israel, that Rachel got the role of Sally Bowles in _Cabaret_. Good for her. Not. She betrayed us because she didn't get a solo. Horrible bitch.

To conclude, I think something's up with Fuinn (Finn and Quinn) because they weren't speaking during Glee rehearsal. Hmm, fishy. Speaking of Glee, we got three new members, making us eligible for Sectionals. Noah Puckerman, Mike Chang and Matt Rutherford all joined the club. I'd like to think that I played some small part in that, doing my epic Single Ladies dance and having an ass like mine. ;)

Love,

Kurt Elizabeth Hummel.

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**A/N: I'm happy that I have a laptop back! I can update quicker now. In 17 hours, I will know my educational fate. Review, to make me less nervous!**


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